I want to start this off by saying hello to you.
I feel a little bit out of the loop here because you know so much about me, but I know nothing about you except that Dolly thinks very highly of you. You’ve been here for her throughout this whole blogging journey, you’ve been on-hand to deliver advice as well as to tell her what an absolute “cockwomble” I am at times. (You were SO right, by the by. And what a great word.) So yes, I wanted to say hello before I begin.
Around two weeks ago Dolly told me all about her blog, her Twitter and why she had decided to remain anonymous throughout the whole experience. I won’t lie, it was a lot to take in at once. I was more freaked out by the fact that she had managed to compile such a vast amount of blog posts without me even noticing. I learned that I’m not the most perceptive person in the world. Any how, I asked Dolly if I could write to you because after reading through everything, I kind of owe it to you. You’ve been a big part of her life for so long so you deserve some closure, you deserve some answers.
When I first met Dolly we were in the elevator in work, it was my first day and I was drenched from head-to-toe. She was the first person I saw when I pulled up in to the car park; I remember thinking to myself that she was very beautiful and hoped that she was going to be working close by. She was a little bit shorter than I was, even in her heels. Her pale skin was dewy from the rain and her dark hair was clinging to the exposed flesh of her chest (yes, I looked) and she was out of breath from the dash to grab the elevator. I don’t know if she could feel me glancing at her in between floors — if she did, she hid it well! I was beyond gutted when she got off on the floor below mine but I promised myself that I’d find out her name at least. It was a couple of weeks later that we ended up working together when she was promoted. I became her manager which had hindered my chances at getting to know her personally even more than a floor between us. But hey, the Christmas party was coming up so maybe I’d loosen up a little after a few drinks.
Loosen up, I did.
She arrived around 45 minutes late to the pub we were all in and I felt myself get so nervous when she came to stand next to me. I had no clue what to say so I ordered more drinks. We all went up to dance and that’s when I felt like it was time to speak to her. I asked if she was having a good time, if she wanted another drink and eventually if she wanted to come over and sit at our table. She was wearing this amazing striped, tight dress that hugged her in all of the right ways, she was truly breathtaking and 110% out of my league, but I felt like I wanted to get to know her a little better, even if it was just to break the ice and make working together more comfortable because I think she thought I was a bit too serious. So, in-between long chats about our families and what our plans were over Christmas we went up and danced to Cher, did the Slosh and the YMCA. Half-way through “Magic Moments” by Perry Como, I leaned in and asked her if she wanted to get some air as it was getting so hot in the bar.
As soon as we got outside we went quiet. Both of us stood pressed together as the smokers of our group chatted and cackled. I moved my hand down and her fingers intertwined with mine. I felt like I’d just won the lottery. I tugged her back in to the pub and found a corner to kiss her. We were in that corner for a good twenty minutes before we decided to get a taxi and get out of there. We spent the night at my flat and the next morning was the morning of the pink knickers army crawl which will be forever engrained in my memory. I’d never seen someone look so panicked, bare-arsed.
From then on our relationship was what she documented it as; wild, passionate, secretive, exciting and it’s no wonder we became obsessed with one another. It was very, very easy to fall in love with her. In some ways it scared me shitless to know that at any moment she could move on from me and break my heart, to me she is a very strong person and can make decisions that others would find impossible. It’s one of the many things I admire about her as well as how dedicated she is to her work, but you know that already.
We’ve had our low points, too.
In California I realised I was watching another man falling for her the same way I had already. Obviously I had no say in who she dated or slept with because “we were on a break”. It was a combination of angrily disliking the Aussie bloke and resenting the fact that I was still deeply in love with this woman that made me act like a complete fud. If I had known before how bad my behaviour was going to get, I would never have gotten on that plane to California. I’d have stayed right here in Glasgow instead. But that’s a regret I’ll always have.
Now on to the “Sam Saga”…
Reading through those posts I knew that these were things she felt she couldn’t tell me at the time. She was afraid she would hurt me or that I would hurt him. It tore me apart to read how he played with her emotions and twisted every innocent remark around to make it look like she was after him. I remember the night we went to dinner with Dolly’s family and Sam was sitting close by with his wife who, after seeing Dolly, decided to go apeshit and start shouting across three tables at her as Sam sat and finished his meal with a sick smirk on his face. I couldn’t sit and say nothing, so waited until Dolly and her family were out of ear-shot to have a few words with dear old Sam. I realised that day that this was a woman I wanted to be with, I wanted to protect her and take care of her, if she’d let me. So, in a way the Sam Saga was a key factor in our own story which isn’t finished yet. Not by a long shot.
I don’t know if I’ve made any sense whatsoever throughout this rambling post, but I hope it’s perhaps given you a bit of me. It’s been cathartic to get some things off of my chest and to just read through her thoughts and feelings. I’m not as articulate as she is, so I feel a bit intimidated here. I hope this has been at least a little bit interesting and gratifying to know that I adore her as much as I do and I hope this isn’t the last of “Dolly” because the more I’ve read, the more I myself have been in her corner wanting her to get her happy ending as stupid as that sounds. She deserves nothing less than that.
I will say goodbye.
But I want to say that before I go, I promise to take good care of your girl and love your Dolly forever,